is your mom at the bar?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
