So drunk its hurt
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
