She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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