I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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