Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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