Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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