U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
