worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
