She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
His nipple licking is glorious
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