for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
