Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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