Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
