doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
