sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
