2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
