The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
