Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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