didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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