i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
