highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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