this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
