You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
