u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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