I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
