Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
