whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
