I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
