My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
