That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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