I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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