remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
