grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
