Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
