i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
