He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
