Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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