whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need a beard to bite.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
