i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't deserve a penis
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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