I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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