mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
