so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
