2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
