i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
