i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
