she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
