I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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