Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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