Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
