That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
