oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
