Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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