I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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