my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
