oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
