Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
